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Oct. 11th, 2006 07:29 pmLilly's not big on anniversaries, but some of them are inescapable. Especially now, when the bad ones seem to be piling up on her. The anniversary of her own death was a week ago and carefully not mentioned to friends or lovers or anyone at all. She'd even gone so far as to avoid the bar and any chance of seeing Veronica or Logan.
Just after that was the anniversary of the bus crash, a year since she saved Veronica but failed to keep any of her classmates from plunging over the edge to their deaths, including her niece's mother.
Tonight is the anniversary of walking into the greenhouse and finding Meg in a lifeless heap with blood on her forehead.
It doesn't get better. Next it'll be a year since she stepped through a portal, found Wash dead on the bridge of Serenity, and traded away her path to heaven to bring him back. And after that, well. Alain.
Lilly's not drinking. She could be, but she's not. Instead she's in her suite thinking and that's worse, in a way. Because there's a door and she could leave and be done but she'd have to kill her friend to do it and even though she wonders sometimes if she and Wash will ever really be friends again now that he knows, she can't do that.
The girl she thinks of as the old Lilly could have. The one she was before she died and spent a year and a half haunting her own life would have found a way to justify walking through that door and not looking back. There are times when Lilly thinks somewhat guiltily that she misses being that girl, the one who just didn't care so much.
There are times when she thinks she still is that girl and now, in the midst of all these anniversaries, is one of them. It bothers her less than she thought it would.
She's smiling as she gets up to head down to the bar for the evening. And if the smile looks a little twisted, well. Lilly Kane never claimed to be on a straight and narrow path.
Just after that was the anniversary of the bus crash, a year since she saved Veronica but failed to keep any of her classmates from plunging over the edge to their deaths, including her niece's mother.
Tonight is the anniversary of walking into the greenhouse and finding Meg in a lifeless heap with blood on her forehead.
It doesn't get better. Next it'll be a year since she stepped through a portal, found Wash dead on the bridge of Serenity, and traded away her path to heaven to bring him back. And after that, well. Alain.
Lilly's not drinking. She could be, but she's not. Instead she's in her suite thinking and that's worse, in a way. Because there's a door and she could leave and be done but she'd have to kill her friend to do it and even though she wonders sometimes if she and Wash will ever really be friends again now that he knows, she can't do that.
The girl she thinks of as the old Lilly could have. The one she was before she died and spent a year and a half haunting her own life would have found a way to justify walking through that door and not looking back. There are times when Lilly thinks somewhat guiltily that she misses being that girl, the one who just didn't care so much.
There are times when she thinks she still is that girl and now, in the midst of all these anniversaries, is one of them. It bothers her less than she thought it would.
She's smiling as she gets up to head down to the bar for the evening. And if the smile looks a little twisted, well. Lilly Kane never claimed to be on a straight and narrow path.
