(no subject)

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly Kane doesn’t have birthday parties anymore.

When she turns sixteen, Lilly has to suffer through a decorous party thrown by her mother at the country club. She puts on bright red lipstick and too much mascara and spends as much time as possible in the bathroom with Veronica, giggling about their real plans for the night.

After the party, the Kane limo doesn't even come to a complete stop before Lilly is out the door, dragging Veronica by the hand as she flees to her bedroom.

“Thank god that’s over,” she says, wiggling out of the prim party dress her mother had insisted on.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Veronica replies dreamily. Lilly rolls her eyes.

“One waltz with my brother and you’re a Stepford wife in training. Just wait, Veronica Mars. The real party is yet to come.” There is a wicked grin and the dress is kicked into a corner. Lilly flops down on her bed in her bra and panties, smirks at Veronica.

“If you thought that waltz was hot, wait till we get to Dog Beach. You guys can sneak off behind a dune and have sex, no one’ll care.”

“Lilly!” Veronica turns bright pink. Lilly giggles, rolls off the bed.

“Fine, keep being a virgin. Can I at least get you to wear something scandalous for once?”

It’s an hour before Lilly figures it’s safe to go. She’s wearing a black miniskirt, a pink halter top that dips low and rises high to show off the smooth skin of her breasts and belly. Veronica’s been talked into a tank top and a denim skirt and hasn’t stopped blushing since Lilly advised her not to wear underwear. It’s a piece of cake for her to deactivate the security system and sneak off down the long driveway, Veronica following nervously.

Logan and Duncan are waiting for them in Logan’s car with the headlights off. Lilly swings into the passenger seat, her long hair flying out behind her as she slides over and straddles Logan.

“Miss me bad?” She kisses him fiercely, and laughs as his body responds to her. “Guess so.”

Duncan and Veronica are exchanging chaste kisses in the backseat and eventually Duncan reaches up and shoves Logan.

“Man, could you get my hands off my sister long enough to get us to the party?”

Lilly sighs, slides off Logan and back to her side of the car.

“God, Donut, you really know how to spoil the mood.”

“Yeah, thanks buddy,” Logan grumbles.

“Forgive me for not wanting to watch my sister have sex, okay?” Veronica giggles at Duncan’s words, at the mention of sex, at anything really.

Lilly turns, smiles sweetly at Duncan and Veronica.

“Well then, don’t come stumbling around the back of the dunes, kay? Unless you’re looking for pointers, of course.”

Even in the dark she can see Veronica blush and she whips her head around, laughing as Logan guns the engine and the four of them speed off into the warm California night.

A block away from the beach, Lilly can hear the music thumping and she’s moving to the beat before the car even pulls up. She makes her entrance, swaying her hips to the music and snagging a drink as she dances across the sand, ceaselessly in motion. Logan follows, greeting their friends but keeping his eyes always on her. He slides an arm around her waist and she tosses her hair and steps in close, dancing with him for a moment before spinning off down the beach.

A few drinks and dances later and they’re having sex behind a dune. Lilly’s on top, her black skirt pushed up and Logan’s hands clutching her hips as he starts to come. She tilts her head back and laughs at the stars as his back arches off the sand and he thrusts into her. And then it’s over and he’s pulling her down to kiss her, whisper that he loves her. Lilly nods and tells him that of course he does. Everybody does.

When they get back to the party, the bikers have shown up and Weevil-of-the-ridiculous-nickname is swaggering over to Dick Casablancas. Lilly rolls her eyes, in no mood to have her party spoiled by a fight.

She saunters over, puts a hand on Weevil’s leather-jacketed arm and explains breathily that it’s her birthday, and this is her party, and he doesn’t want to break that up, does he? Lilly keeps talking, saying she’ll owe him a favor, and she leans closer, whispers that it could be anything he wants. Weevil licks his lips as he looks her up and down. He nods once, jerkily, and then calls off his gang. He’s still staring at her as they leave.

Lilly can tell that he’s hers now, they all are, because it’s her birthday and tonight the beach and the stars and the universe and everyone in it belong to Lilly Kane.

Four months later, Lilly Kane, ruler of the universe, is dead.

Eight months after that it’s her seventeenth birthday. There is a decorous memorial service, and the Kane Family Visit to the gravesite. Lilly sprawls invisibly on the grass above her coffin and yawns as the minister recites a prayer and Celeste dabs dry eyes with a silk handkerchief.

Duncan comes back later, alone. Then Logan, who sits at her grave and finishes half a bottle of vodka before pouring the rest onto the ground and staggering away. Finally, late at night, Veronica shows up. They’re all silent, all sad. All separate. Lilly perches on her gravestone and wills them to wait for each other, to start talking again. But the ghost of her presence is not enough to put the pieces of her friend and brother and lover back together and they just keep shattering more and more as she watches.

Worst birthday ever.

Lilly’s at Milliways for her eighteenth birthday but she doesn’t tell anyone about it. She’s not sure why. It’s been two months and she’s already famous for her parties again. She throws pirate parties and birthday parties for her friends and fills them full of things like drag stripteases and karaoke and snocone machines and laughter and she’s happy to do it.

It’s a chance remark from Bernard that makes her understand. I just realized that when my daughter is sixteen, you still will be. She doesn’t let it sink in at the time, but it hits later, when she’s alone.

There was only one night when Lilly wanted to be sixteen forever, and now sixteen is carrying her farther and farther away from it. The world is moving on and she’s not but mostly she’s okay with that. Once in a while, though, she thinks of her last birthday party under the stars at Dog Beach and the plans she had for the next one and it hurts more than even Lilly can laugh away.

Lilly Kane doesn’t have birthday parties anymore.