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awesome_lillyLilly hasn't slept at all, really. She's stopped crying, though.
Right now, she's sitting in her bedroom with coffee and a notebook, writing intently, and blinking too much. There's still glitter in her eyelashes from the sleepover that she can't seem to get rid of, no matter how much she's wiped her eyes lately.
Right now, she's sitting in her bedroom with coffee and a notebook, writing intently, and blinking too much. There's still glitter in her eyelashes from the sleepover that she can't seem to get rid of, no matter how much she's wiped her eyes lately.
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Date: 2005-08-25 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 04:12 am (UTC)The door's unlocked, but you do have to watch out for creepy vampire brothers.
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Date: 2005-08-25 04:13 am (UTC)How about worried gunslinger boyfriends?
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Date: 2005-08-25 04:54 am (UTC)"Come in."
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Date: 2005-08-25 05:01 am (UTC)"Lilly, about--"
That would be the point where he catches sight of her. His eyes narrow, and he crosses to her bed swiftly.
"What's wrong."
As much demand as question, though in light of yesterday's not-quite-fight he does try to keep it less of a demand. He just mostly fails.
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Date: 2005-08-25 05:14 am (UTC)"Um. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I have bad news. You might want to sit down."
She tries to smile at the cliches. It doesn't really work.
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Date: 2005-08-25 05:41 am (UTC)The look in his eyes hasn't eased in the slightest.
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Date: 2005-08-25 05:45 am (UTC)"The thing with the voices and the headaches and all, from changing time? Yeah. It's kinda happening."
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Date: 2005-08-25 05:48 am (UTC)Quietly, looking down, "I thought it might be so."
Then he looks at her, and -- not quite a wince, but something like it, and he reaches out helplessly.
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:01 am (UTC)"It could be worse," she says quietly. "Um. I could also be getting attacked by ninjas?"
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:04 am (UTC)Oh, she's as much a ka-mai as Cuthbert ever was.
"Aye."
His fingers tighten on hers.
"--If any can work it out, Lilly, we will. All of us here."
He hopes.
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:10 am (UTC)"I talked to Del, yesterday. After I talked to you, I had another... thing, and I couldn't pretend it wasn't happening any more. So I went and talked to her and... there's nothing anyone here can do."
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:16 am (UTC)He gently frees his fingers from hers, replacing them with his other hand, so that he can put his arm around her.
"Nothing--" He stops, and pulls away just enough that he can twist to look at her. Or, really, to look at the top of her head. "Anyone here?"
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:20 am (UTC)"Nothing and no one."
There is a small, shaky attempt at a smile.
"And considering she's kinda the resident expert on insanity, I do believe her."
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:24 am (UTC)He pulls her closer, both arms going around her now.
Fuck. Fuck. Fucking Milliways -- does it never stop?
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:33 am (UTC)"I don't... I don't think I have that much time. She said I've already fallen, it's just a matter of my fingertips giving way."
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:44 am (UTC)A quick flash of Jake's white face, disappearing into the darkness, and Eddie's hoarse voice: He left him. Let him fall.
His arms tighten around her, and one hand rises to stroke her hair.
"And no chance that anyone can catch you? Not here, all right, the lady Del said none of us, you say, but no one anywhere?"
It's not something he much wants to suggest, with what her world is for her now, but given this alternative...
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:50 am (UTC)"I don't think so. She said I can look for help, but not from the Endless and not from here and... last night, I tried my door."
Her head's buried against his shoulder now, but her words are still clear.
"It... made it worse. Louder."
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:56 am (UTC)His eyes close, and he rests his chin on the top of her head.
"And she said nothing of help?"
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:03 am (UTC)"So, yeah. I'm going to hang on as long as I can, try to find a way to keep from falling. I just... I just don't know that there is a way."
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:13 am (UTC)That's the most he can promise, without lies they'll both see through.
It hurts.
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:20 am (UTC)"I'm not telling Susan and Koosh unless... well, unless I have to. It'll ruin their wedding."
Her face is a little pale as she continues.
"I'm... I'm hoping it won't be until after the wedding that. Well. It gets really bad."
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:24 am (UTC)He understands her thinking.
But. Gods. To keep this secret from them -- this, now...
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:31 am (UTC)"I can't do it, Alain. Susan... she wants me to stand with her. We're going to go shopping for a dress. She's just... she's so happy. If she knew about this, it'd take all that away from her and I just... I can't deal with that too."
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Date: 2005-08-25 07:52 am (UTC)Alain's eyes drop first.
His arms tighten again -- it was easier, when she was leaning into his shoulder, and he didn't have to watch her face crumple into this helplessness.
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:00 am (UTC)"Is that... will it be too much for you, not to tell them? I don't want to make this harder on you either."
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:09 am (UTC)He can't use that guilt against her, even if it would work. It would be a betrayal, a wrongness in the pit of his stomach.
A long pause. Then, low, "I've never tried to keep such a secret from them." He and Cuthbert have known each other all their lives, and learned to read each other's moods. He's not sure he could manage to hide it even if he wanted.
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:14 am (UTC)"But if you can try not to, I'd take it as a kindness."
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:25 am (UTC)Silence.
And then a small nod. Low, "From them, for the wedding. I'll try."
He's still not sure of it. Such secrets between them, even if the tet is broken...
But there's Susan's joy, Cuthbert's happiness. Lilly's right about that. He'll try, unless it becomes clearer that he shouldn't.
Nothing is right about this situation.
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:30 am (UTC)"I'm not... I'm not telling anyone until I have to, Alain. If there's nothing anyone can do, then they shouldn't have to worry, either."
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:36 am (UTC)"Few, aye, of course." Gunslingers know secrets. "But there are those that know of this -- Eddie, he's seen it, or mayhap the lady Moiraine, or others such. Could help point you to a trail to find true help, mayhap."
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:43 am (UTC)Her gaze drifts to the notebook on the bed.
"In case I don't, though... I'm going to make some arrangements."
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:51 am (UTC)He kens it.
A silent nod.
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Date: 2005-08-25 08:53 am (UTC)"Bert has to wear ruffles and his beanie to my wake."
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:02 am (UTC)The thought is painful. The joke is.
It's very, very Lilly.
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:14 am (UTC)-alain- who's alain? logan or connor or elijah not some stranger -gunslinger- she met growing up at a premiere on the beach -at the end of the universe-
and then, suddenly, she's not smiling anymore.
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:18 am (UTC)He'd suspected before. But he knows, now, what sudden shifts like that mean.
And there's nothing he can think of to do but wait it out.
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:27 am (UTC)"...ow."
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 09:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 09:48 am (UTC)He's kind of guessing no.
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:50 am (UTC)"Not so much, no. It turns out that finding out you're going to slowly go insane is more effective than caffeine at keeping a girl awake."
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:53 am (UTC)He drops a light kiss in her hair. "Would'ee try now?"
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:55 am (UTC)"Would... would you stay with me a little? Until I fall asleep?"
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Date: 2005-08-25 09:57 am (UTC)He hadn't planned otherwise.
"I've chores this afternoon, but hours before then. I'll stay as long as you'd like."
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Date: 2005-08-25 10:07 am (UTC)"Thanks, Alain."
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Date: 2005-08-25 10:14 am (UTC)Lilly's slow to fall asleep, and it's an uneasy sleep even when she does. But it's true sleep, with no nightmares bad enough for Alain to worry about waking her, and at the moment that'll do.
He dozes a little, but mostly he lies awake, cradling her and listening to his thoughts run in circles.