Lilly-Peter in the Dreaming

[awesome_lilly]

Peter is riding.

The grass is the green of imagination, a shade of uninterrupted emerald that only exists in Narnia, and in dreams of Narnia.

Duncan shifts smoothly beneath him, muscles flowing like silk. Peter's hair blows in the wind.

It is freedom, it is flight.

In Narnia, Peter can smile.

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[awesome_lilly]

Lilly's standing in a clearing, eyes closed against the beauty of Narnia. She's listening, as hard as she can. The voices are still whispering in her head but nowhere among them is the one she's listening for.

[highking.livejournal.com]

Duncan comes pounding into the clearing and pulls to a stop beside Lilly, rearing slightly with a joyful whinny of recognition.

Peter is smiling down at her.

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly blinks up at him, confused for a moment. When did Duncan learn to ride a horse the horse's name is duncan. means warrior and... Not Duncan.

"Pete?"

[highking.livejournal.com]

"Hello, Lilly. Welcome to Narnia."

He whistles and a second horse trots into the cleaning, its head held high.

"Come see your kingdom."

[awesome_lilly]

"My kingdom," Lilly repeats as she mounts the horse. It doesn't make sense to her, but then... not a lot has, lately. She shrugs.

"Okay. Let's go, then."

[highking.livejournal.com]

And they ride through Narnia.

There are wide grassy plains and deep dark forests, midday sunshine, sparkling stars, and purple-orange sunsets.

They ride forever, or they ride for five minutes, or both, and it's all beautiful.

[awesome_lilly]

It's beautiful, yes, but something's wrong... There are whispers in Lilly's head again.

don't know him can't ride he's a stranger you're not a queen wrong story this isn't you

She reins her horse to a stop, frowning.

[highking.livejournal.com]

Peter reins in beside her, Duncan prancing in anticipation.

"Cair Paravel is just ahead," he says, smiling at her hopefully.

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly doesn't know how long she's been in the Dreaming now, but it feels like a very long time. She doesn't know if she's getting any closer to what she needs to find, but she does know the voices are getting worse and a side trip to see Pete's castle couldn't really hurt, could it?

Because really, Lilly Kane could use a break.

She smiles at Pete.

"Shiny. Lead the way, your Majesty."

[highking.livejournal.com]

"I am, as ever, at thy service, milady." Peter clucks, and they are galloping.

They ride along a beach, splashing through the surf and kicking up sand.

Peter is quite possibly happier than even Lilly has ever seen him.

[awesome_lilly]

It's not hard to see why. It's gorgeous here. Peaceful. Lilly catches herself wishing she could stay.

"So, we're going to Cair Paravel? Any special reason?"

It doesn't really matter why, she'd still want to see it.

[highking.livejournal.com]

"It is my home, and thine, if thou wishes it," Peter says-

and then the palace appears in front of them, shimmering into view.

[awesome_lilly]

"Why would it be my home-" Lilly starts to say and breaks off, staring at the castle. She's only ever seen Cair Paravel in ruins in his nightmare. This? This is pretty.

"Wow," she breathes, momentarily lost in Peter's dream. "I can live here? Shiny."

[highking.livejournal.com]

"Thou'rt Narnian," Peter reminds her. "Thou shalt always have a place here, by my side."

They canter through a side gate, stopping in an open courtyard. Peter dismounts, then takes her by the waist and swings her down from her horse.

He twines his fingers in hers and leads her toward an archway leading inside the palace.

[awesome_lilly]

Narnian? Lilly blinks, and then Peter takes her hand and leads her towards the palace and she starts to understand.

This is Peter's dream. He's back in Narnia, High King again, and... she's his Queen.

Fuck.

She opens her mouth to say something, not really knowing what, but then they pass under the archway and her clothes change.

"Whoa," Lilly says, glancing down. "What's with this?"

[highking.livejournal.com]

Peter looks down, at her dress with its clean drape and sleeping sleeves, at his dark belted tunic, then looks at her, shaking his head in bemusement. "With what, lady?"

But he doesn't really give her time to respond. He leads her through the palace, up marble stairways, past gorgeously embroidered tapestries, past a room through whose doors four thrones can be seen.

They end on a balcony overlooking the ocean. Pete's grinning wildly, one hand holding hers tightly as he points toward the shore below them with the other. "Look, Lilly. The merpeople are here, they're going to sing tonight to welcome us back."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly's pale. This... she remembers this.

never happened yes it did didn't hear them sing didn't hear the wings

She steps back, pulling her hand out of Pete's grasp.

"I'm sorry, Pete. I don't think I can stay for that."

[highking.livejournal.com]

Peter looks confused for a moment - and then his face crumples, without a trace of his normal self-control and stoicism.

"You always leave. Why do you always leave?"

[awesome_lilly]

Looking at Peter's face hurts. Like, physically. Lilly steps forward, takes his hand again.

"Oh god, Pete. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't le-" but she breaks off before she can finish.

Because she will leave, and she knows that, and Peter deserves better than having her lie to him.

[highking.livejournal.com]

Peter pulls his hand away, crosses his arms over his chest. He won't look at her, his eyes tracing the grain of the marble balcony instead.

"Can't you leave me this, at least?"

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly bites her lip. Her head's pounding painfully again but she ignores it, watching Pete instead.

"I can try?" she offers, helplessly. "I didn't mean to... I just didn't know you really thought I'd make a good High Queen."

She knows it now, though.

[highking.livejournal.com]

"You don't seem to know very much at all about what I really think, these days," Peter says quietly.

When he looks at her again, his expression is blank.

"Why are you here?"

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly steps back again, stung, and she wants to say something but the fucking pounding in her head has increased and she can't even think, let alone talk.

diddiedidntcalledforyoubutdidntliedwalkedawaysunnyskiesdarkandcold

[highking.livejournal.com]

He almost doesn't move.

He almost walks away.

Almost.


Peter's arm wraps around her waist, keeps her upright, supports her weight.

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly stands there for a moment, till the worst of the headache passes and she can stand on her own again.

"Thanks, Pete-"

Whatever else she was going to say is lost to the howl of a wolf.

"Fuck. Pete, I have to go, I'm sorry, I have to leave now."

[highking.livejournal.com]

Peter lets go and steps back.

"Alright. Go. Do whatever it is you have to do."

There is the briefest of pauses.

"Alain is waiting for you to get back."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly just looks at him.

"I have to stay ahead of the wolf, Pete, and keep from going insane. Unfortunately, right now it's not looking like I'm going to pull off either of those so well."

The wolf howls again, and it sounds closer this time.

"Which means odds aren't that good that I'll be seeing you or Alain or anybody else again. I guess that makes this goodbye, Pete."

And before he can move or speak, she's whirled around and headed for the archway, her skirts changing back to jeans as she passes under the arch, out of Cair Paravel and out of Peter's sight.

[highking.livejournal.com]

In Peter's dream, Narnia isn't beautiful anymore.

The stones of Cair Paravel are more grey than white. Clouds cover the sun, and the ocean turns a sluggish grey-green. The hills and fields turn the yellow of grass more dead than alive.

And in the distance, a wolf is still howling.