(no subject)

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly's out by the lake with a mug of coffee, sitting on what she thinks of as Alain's rock and soaking up the afternoon sun. It's good to be back, but the bar's just a bit crowded for her this afternoon. The lake is much more peaceful, and she's grateful for that.

Comments

[sai_delgado]

Susan's coming out of the stables, a distinctive bag slung shoulder-to-hip and carefully adjusted. Even after working with Susannah

(Detta too don't forget Detta)

last night, it doesn't mean she can leave off practicing. It might even mean she's driven to work a bit harder.

But that can wait just a little longer, she decides, when she sees the girl by the lake. Susan heads straight over.

(it had been the other way around in the dream)

"Wei, Lilly."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly opens her eyes, smiles at Susan.

"What up, sai?"

She's been thinking Susan might be looking for her.

[sai_delgado]

She's right. Susan leans against the trunk of a nearby tree, looking out over the water before turning back to Lilly. The bag at her hip seems almost natural, nearly a part of her.

"Ye're truly all right now?"

Concern and a wish for reassurance both, mayhap.

[awesome_lilly]

"Truly all right," Lilly says firmly. "I mean, I think we've all got some fun memories but other than that, I'm all right."

It's completely true, even if Susan doesn't know the extent of Lilly's memories.

[sai_delgado]

"Fun memories, oh aye." She sounds odd just for a moment, then shakes it off.

Susan returns to staring out across the water. "But I'm glad-- very glad -- that thee are well, Lilly, say true."

And it's sincere and heartfelt, there's no question of that.

[awesome_lilly]

"I am too," Lilly replies, just as sincerely. Maybe even more so. She smiles up at Susan, a bit tentatively.

"And... I'm sorry, Susan. For the dream, and worrying you while you're supposed to be doing fun wedding things and all."

[sai_delgado]

"For worrying me." It's oddly flat.

Susan looks at Lilly again, and the strain is evident.

"Do'ee not know that ye're a friend? Why did ye hide it, and why did'ee want Alain to hide what were happening? Why would'ee do so?"

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly bites her lip, looking out at the lake for a moment before she replies.

"I talked to Del, of the Endless, as soon as I figured out- well, as soon as I stopped pretending I didn't know what was happening. She told me that there was nothing anyone in the bar could do."

She glances up at Susan, her face pale as she remembers the hopelessness of that conversation.

"Alain came and found me, the next day, and I told him... God, Susan. His face. When he knew there was nothing to be done, and I was upset and he..."

Lilly pauses, takes a deep breath.

"He couldn't even look at me. And I thought about doing that with everyone, with you and Koosh when you'd just lost Roland and were trying to be happy about your wedding... I just... I couldn't do it."

She swallows hard.

"I didn't want to sit there with you while you were braiding your wedding favors and smiling like I hadn't seen you do since Roland left and be the one to ruin that. I didn't want Alain to have to do it either."

She shrugs.

"Of course, given how things went, it might have been better that way, but I can't say I was thinking that clearly at the time. I was just... terrified, really, and overwhelmed and trying to spare myself as much as you."

"I'm sorry."

[sai_delgado]

It's just as well she's leaning against the tree trunk, because the stark honesty in Lilly's words hits her like a blow.

(I just couldn't do it - I can't say I was thinking that clearly - I was terrified)

"The Dream-lord told me, after, that there was nothing anyone could do. That we couldn't-- that none of us could help ye."

Susan moves away from the tree, coming closer now.

(women need their secrets)

"I'd not-- we'd have done-- I don't know what we'd have done, but we'd have tried, I wot. Oh, Lilly."

And then she's close enough to sit beside her friend, which she does, sinking to the rock.

"Ye did-- ye did what ye thought were right, and I-- I can't fault ye for it, not-- not now."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly smiles at her, and her eyes are suspiciously bright but the smile is nonetheless real.

"Thanks, Susan. And I know you'd have tried to find something, to think of something, but I knew there was nothing anyone here could do."

(sometimes a thing gets broke can't be fixed)

"And... yeah. Then I was just doing whatever I could to hold on. I'm still sorry it hurt you, though."

[sai_delgado]

"All we could have done would be to -- to be there with ye, for ye, as -- as best we could," Susan tells her quietly. "And I think-- I hope-- that thee know we'd have done that. That we would do that still, do'ee ken?"

"And it weren't-- it weren't truly yer fault. It were-- it happened because of that which ye did, mayhap, but he-- he were yer brother, and I -- I kennit, why ye did so. I do."

"Because she wouldn't find another way." And oh, the sudden vicious anger in her tone is clear.

[awesome_lilly]

Another way...

Lilly has gone very, very pale.

"No," she says faintly. "No, she wouldn't."

Lilly saw and heard many things in the Dreaming, whispers and echoes of lives that were hers but not, and worlds that might never exist because of what she'd done. In some of them, Duncan was a prison suicide, unable to cope with the idea that he'd killed his beloved sister. In others, Veronica and Logan teamed up to free him and put Logan's father in jail for good. It brought them closer together, made them fall in love and even end up married with a baby.

A little girl named Lilly Echolls with Veronica's fine blonde hair and Logan's eyes and Lilly's own smile, inherited in a way that has nothing to do with genetics.

But then Celeste came through the door at Milliways and pushed every button Lilly had to get her to save her brother, and everything changed.

Lilly has no idea if her namesake will ever be born, now.

[sai_delgado]

"Lilly?"

Sudden alarm as the other girl turns ash-white, and Susan puts an arm around her.

"What-- what is't?"

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly takes a deep breath.

"Just... memories," she says slowly. "I did mention how fun they were, right?"

[sai_delgado]

"Thee did, aye," she says, still with a comforting arm around the other girl.

"Let them go, if ye can-- ye're back now, and safe-- it's all right now, mayhap."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly nods, leaning her head against Susan's shoulder.

"Yeah. It'll be all right."

[sai_delgado]

Susan sits there quietly with Lilly for a while, saying nothing.

She'd been terrified -- for the other girl, for herself--

(blood on her hands when she woke)

--worried for Alain and Cuthbert as well. And angry, oh aye-- angry that Lilly hadn't said anything, had expected Alain to lie on her behalf--

(ever honest, Pat Delgado's daughter, in all the things that mattered)

--but the anger's gone, as is the worry, replaced with a weary understanding. She kens it, say true.

(there was supposed to be peace)

"It'll be all right," she echoes, softly.