(no subject)

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly is attempting to help her friend Captain Wooden Chicken back to his ship. However, as Captain Wooden Chicken has been steadily losing at quarters for some time, this is not turning out to be easy. She tries again.

"Okay, Mal. Where's the door to your ship again? Because this is still a hallway."

Comments

[badinlatin]

"Wubba who?"

"I dunno where in the yŭzhòu we're at," Mal responded gruffly. "You're the one led us about here."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly sighs.

"I led us here because you've had too much tequila to be trusted in the bar, lack of holoscreens or not. We're trying to find your ship, remember? Or at least the door to it."

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

Barty's exploring the corridors, wand held in one hand, half-drunk glass of gillywater in the other. He rounds a corner, and...

"Hey, Lilly!"

[badinlatin]

In an apparent whiplash-inducing motion, Mal shifts his line of blurry focus from Lilly to the newcomer and back again.

"Lilly? Who's this gè zhēn de húndàn talkin' to ya like he's old friends?"

[awesome_lilly]

"Don't hurt yourself, Captain Mu Ji," Lilly replies. "I don't subscribe to the you break it you bought it theory. And also, it's still Lady Lilly to you."

She smiles at Barty.

"Hi Barty. This is my friend Mal, he's dumb as a wooden chicken and drunk off tequila. How're you?"

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"Lady Lilly?" He laughs. "I don't have to call you that too, do I? Anyway, I'm doing well."

He waves at Mal. "Hi, Mal. What did'ya call me? My Chinese isn't great, I'm afraid."

[badinlatin]

"Wei, Barty," Mal offers, regaining his composure.

"Oh, I called ya a gè zhēn de húndàn-Means a real bastard. Said it 'fore I knew ya o' course, so not takin' offense'd be a kindness."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, otherwise Mal might have to throw up on you. He's intimidating that way."

She smiles.

"And no, you don't have to call me Lady Lilly. You didn't lose at quarters like mu ji here."

She nudges Mal with her elbow.

"Be nice to Barty, he could redecorate your ship. Badly."

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"No problems, Mr wooden chicken!"

He nods, waving his wand. "I could, as well. Lilly's seen what I can do to a trendy piece of furniture, and it's not pretty."

He coughs. "Something tells me you two have been on the booze in a big way. Er, Mal more than Lilly, by the looks of things."

[badinlatin]

"And exactly how'd you go about redecoratin' somethin' on my ship, Mr Barty sir?" Mal asks in as haughty a tone as he can manage. "The second ya moved a chair in the kitchen, Kaylee'd prolly hit you upside your 'ead with a wrench."

"And, sir, I have *not* been 'on the booze'. I simply was challenged by Li--Lady Lilly 'ere, to a new game, and the experienced player won the day. That is all."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly laughs.

"Aw, wooden chickens are so cute when they get their feathers ruffled. Be careful though, Mal. Barty's a wizard. One wave of that wand and you and Kaylee are sitting on barstools too ugly for Donald Trump's apartment."

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

He's about to ask who Donald Trump is - wasn't he that Muggle cartoon duck? - but doesn't.

"You haven't been on the booze?" He sniggers. "I take it your game did involve some, though?"

"That's right. This wand here -" he waves it about and a few green sparks scatter tantalisingly "- is a hell of a thing. One flick of my wrist and your entire bedroom would be yellow as a buttercup."

[badinlatin]

Mal nods in affirmation. "There happened to be a shot or two of tequila involved in our little game, but it ain't exactly like I'm [drunk off my ass] or anythin'. Just...spinny."

As the green sparks emerge from Barty's wand, Mal becomes distracted and his eyes are focused out into space for a moment before returning to Barty. "But why'd ya wanna change the color o' my bunk? You should gimme somethin' instead." He lifts his hand to his chins, stroking his imaginary whiskers before coming up with the perfect idea.

"Why not gimme a shirt like Wash's? I totally think it's time for folk to realize he's not the only gŏu on the boat can be colorful."

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly beams. She's had less tequila than Mal, but there's still a lot of ground covered there.

"That is an excellent idea. He's the one with the Hawaiian shirts, right? Can I get a grass skirt to go with the theme?"

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

Barty grins. He's not sure what a Hawaiian shirt is, but he's got a pretty shrewd idea about the grass skirts. He points his wand at Lilly, and says the spell...

and she's now wearing a (rather short) grass skirt. "Skirt for the both of you? I think you'd look good in one, Mal."

"What's a Hawaiian shirt, though? Is colourful, you say?"

[badinlatin]

"Ah, Hawaiian shirt'd be button-down things with short sleeves," Mal explains. "Usually colors so bright that ya wanna throw 'em in a hold just so's its not hurtin' your eyes no more, and more often 'n not they have flowers on 'em in white or some such."

It takes Mal a minute to realize the significance of Barty's second question, and suddenly has a very serious look on his face. "No ruttin' way you're puttin' me in one o' those things; I'd look like a fèifèi de pìyăn!

"Well...'s long as I'd be gettin' a pair o' shorts under 'em, I s'pose it'd be fine for now. But we gotta stay...outta the bar. Agreed?"

[awesome_lilly]

"Fine by me," Lilly replies. "I'm used to appearing there with people who can hold their liquor, anyway."

She smiles sweetly at Mal, then turns to Barty.

"Hey, actually, if you're doing more clothes, can I get a bikini to go with the grass skirt?"

Lilly thinks that this will likely not be a problem.

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"OK. I think I get the idea with those shirts. Let me see..."

He thinks for a while, then grins, and casts two identical spells. Two identical shirts appear on them. Both fit Mal's description. At least, on the front. On the back they have a rather ugly logo of a skull with a snake for a tongue, and the caption I joined the Death Eaters and all I got was this lousy shirt!

Another fick of the wand, another spell, and Mal is wearing a grass skirt too. With shorts underneath.

Then he turns to Lilly. A bikini will most certainly not be a problem. Not at all. Yet another spell...and she's wearing one.

[badinlatin]

After Mal's ordinary brown shirt is transformed into brightly colored hawaiian print, he spins around to see the back of Lilly's after his eye catches something looking oddly like a skull.

"zhè shì shénme làn dōngxi? I mean, the skirt's shiny and whatever, but I ain't exactly been meanin' this when I said I wanted a shirt. Can you please change it?" Of course, the significance of this symbol completely escapes Mal's notice.

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly nods, grimacing at Mal's shirt.

"Yeah, this thing on the back's hideous. It looks like something you'd get at a Hell's Angels' craft fair. You don't have to change mine, though."

He doesn't, because she just takes it off.

"So. Who else feels like we're missing a luau?"

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

Barty doesn't think it's all that hideous. "But it adds a touch of class! Well. I can remove it if you want," he says with a bit of annoyance. A swish of the wand, and the skull is gone, but not the words. He'll remove them if asked, though.

"What's a luau?" All this Muggle stuff is making his head spin.

[badinlatin]

"I'd like the words off too, if ya dun mind, Mister Barty."

Mal turns to Lilly once again, equal parts intoxicated and confused. "What is a luau?"

[awesome_lilly]

Lilly smiles the way a shark would if it wore lipstick.

"Oh, you'll find out."

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

He frowns momentarily, and removes the words with a simple vanishing spell.

"That's an evil smile you've got there. I like that." He grins. "Evil smiles mean evil plans."