Pretty Fabulous for a Dead Girl

In the meantime, a very small and curious entourage is making its way to her door. (The fact that it is an entourage may be lost on Tony, who has not yet been informed that Sir Alanna the Rock will be competing with him for Lilly's affections.)

"This is the address," Puck says cheerily, coming to a stop. "Such as it is, at any rate. Shall I knock?"

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"Never just walk into a room. Especially when it concerns romance."

Tony gives Puck a particular look.

"I made that mistake once and I ended up in jail and down one girlfriend."

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Puck looks delighted.

"Did you really? I must confess to having few difficulties of that kind, endlessly fascinated by them though I am."

This is because while Puck is indiscreet and obnoxious, he is also preternaturally speedy.

He knocks briskly on the door.

"Lilly, my darling? Have you a moment to spare?"

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"Hi Puck! Of cou-"

Lilly pauses. The kids... are with Havelock!

"-rse I do!"

She sets her margarita down and opens the door.

"...hi."

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Puck beams, extracting the rock from his pocket and setting it down on the floor, where it promptly turns into Alanna.

"Good even, dearest," he says. "I've brought you a present."

Beat.

"Two presents."

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the_lioness

...what.

Alanna sways, flooded with sensation and unsure whether or not her feet are where they should be. Slowly, she takes stock of her surroundings. There's Lilly, in what appears to be her suite. A dark-haired, attractive stranger stands nearby. Nothing about this situation is particularly remarkable -- even if they aren't in the security office, which she distinctly remembers visiting before she lost her mind -- so she moves on.

And spies Puck.

"You." Violet eyes narrowing with deep suspicion, she reaches for her sword and misses. "Cockroach."

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Tony, to his credit, doesn't even blink.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your obvious domestic dispute. I'm sure the people from COPS will be right behind me."

He takes several steps backward (and away from the door) just in case. The only thing that stops him from running away is that he's somewhat amused.

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Puck looks to Alanna with a cockroach-in-the-headlights kind of expression, taking a dainty sidestep behind Tony for cover.

It has the benefit of keeping him from retreating any further!

"That's rather rude, you know," he protests, in Alanna's direction. "Not to mention I should infinitely prefer it if I escaped the evening unskewered."

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Lilly has spent an entertaining moment watching them all and blinking a lot. However, marriage to Puck (and residence in Milliways) makes a girl prepared for just about anything.

"Yeah, if you kebab him I have to do more babysitting, so let's avoid that and maybe just start over. Hi Alanna! Hi Puck! Hi totally random yet attractive stranger! Uh. Who wants margaritas?"

She has no idea what's going on, but tequila can only make it better, right?

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Tony raises his hand.

"I'm not gonna turn that down."

That said, he calmly sidesteps away from Puck, as if this happens all the time, and is completely unruffled as he goes to find a drink.

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the_lioness

These sort of things don't happen to Alanna.

They happen to Thom.

This is completely unfair.

Alanna gives Puck one last menacing look, smiles tightly at Lilly, then follows Tony.

"I seem to be in the middle of a mental episode. Alcohol will either help or finish the job," she grumbles, voice raspy as if from disuse.

She bumps into a chair and stops dead, closing her eyes. If she tries hard enough, maybe she can make the alcohol come to her.

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Well!

They look like they're getting along. Clearly Puck's work here is done.

Discreetly, he begins to sidle down the hall.

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the_lioness

Oh, no. Alanna's not about to let that happen.

Something bright and purple hits the wall in front of Puck, making the air shimmer and pop, and Alanna suddenly looks a lot more aware when she marches back to the doorway.

"Puck," she says calmly, "you impersonated a common household pest to gain unauthorized entry to the security office, then turned a security officer into a rock. I think. It was all very surreal. But if I was a metamorphic rock, I certainly hope it was a heavy one." She scowls, glancing toward the others. Goddess only knows what this is all about. "The very least you could do is explain."

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Standing somewhere near the alcohol, because that's where Tony Stark is most often found, the billionaire offers the simplest explanation he can possibly think of.

"I'm supposed to be on a blind date with some hot chick. The drink is an added bonus."

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Lilly looks around the room.

"'kay, Puck is hot but not a chick at the moment. Alanna is hot but married for reals. So... hi! I'm Lilly."

She smiles brightly at Tony.

"Help yourself to a margarita and feel free to tell me your name at any time. Puck, feel free to explain when I asked you to set me up on a blind date."

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Puck shoots Alanna a decidedly sour look.

Sure, he's best pleased when things fall out preposterously, but he usually prefers the falling-out part to be a little farther away from him.

"The gentleman," he says, with dignity, "would seem to be correct, with the exception that any loss of vision is not strictly required. And honestly, I imagine it were better that I removed myself, as it can hardly be a 'date' of any kind while I remain."

A beat.

"And as metamorphic rocks go, quite frankly, while no great burden, you were not nearly so dainty as one might assume. I suggest brisk walks and salad."

Edited Date: 2008-06-19 04:57 am (UTC)

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the_lioness

His sour look is returned with equal measure, and Alanna feels her cheeks heat. "I had THREE CHILDREN. At once!" is out before she can bite it back.

Surely Puck understands what that can do to a person's figure!

"Puck," she tries again. "That's all perfectly well, but why am I here!? Not only would Adam be HIGHLY upset at not being invited, but he'd likely take issue at the very idea."

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Lilly takes a step back, closer to Tony and the drinks.

"This could get fun," she whispers to him.

"Since you're just joining this show, Puck recently gave birth as well and Alanna's husband is the ex-Antichrist. Oh, and I've got another pitcher of these margaritas in the fridge, so drink up!"

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Tony blinks.

He doesn't even want to touch that.

"I knew this was a bad idea."

He grabs a margarita and downs it in a swallow.

"Tony Stark. Not pregnant, not the Antichrist. In fact, I'm probably going to hell."

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Meanwhile, Puck is snorting in Alanna's direction.

"And I, my darling, gave birth to a squid. In an elevator. Not to mention a veritable host of other peculiarities, not the least of which being that there is NOTHING about me to suggest I should ever have become with child to begin with!"

A beat.

"... What has Adam to do with anything? Are you really married to him?" Puck has great hearing.

He also spares Tony a somewhat distracted wave.

"Enchanted to make your acquaintance. No doubt I shall see you there."

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the_lioness

"Tony." Alanna gives him a grave nod.

"Yes, of course," she answers Puck, frowning. "And have been for quite some time. Despite certain... familial difficulties."

Alanna being his daughter-in-law isn't the only reason Lucifer's suggestion of gifting Lilly with the twins was particularly nefarious.

"A squid?" Now she looks almost sympathetic.

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"A squid," Puck sighs. Brightening somewhat, "Of course, she is a darling squid. Her name is Raspberry Squavelock Blodwen Beret, and I fear that soon she shall quite outgrow her bucket."

... Her name, now that he recalls, is what sparked Lucifer to mention Alanna in the first place.

"Though now that you mention your marital ties, mistress, a thing or two becomes clear to me."

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the_lioness

"That's a lovely name," Alanna says with complete sincerity. "I find raspberries delicious."

Beat.

"Not your Raspberry, you understand. I've no stomach for sea creatures. I just like the name."

Augh.

"Oh?" The change of subject is a handy lifeline. "What sort of things?"

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Puck beams, until Alanna starts talking about the deliciousness of his infant daughter, at which point his expression becomes a good deal more suspicious.

But the question brings him back to his original point.

"Well," he replies, pleasantly, "it does quite explain why your dear father-in-law should have suggested you for Lilly-- or at the very least goes a ways towards explaining."

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the_lioness

"Suggested me for Lilly."

The words are noticeably lacking the anger and frustration she exhibited earlier. Indeed, the mere inclusion of Lucifer into the equation explains a great deal. Alanna shifts her weight onto one leg, completely forgetting about Lilly and Tony and the margaritas.

Well, maybe not the margaritas.

"Why, I wonder, would he do that?"

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"He seemed to believe she was in need of companionship," Puck says, in all apparent sincerity. "And, of course, our marriage being a celibate one, I could hardly provide the answer to this difficulty all on my own."

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the_lioness

"And I," Alanna drawls, "being happily married to his son and the mother of three, was deemed a suitable choice?"

Nodding, she snorts her amusement.

"This is because we made him a grandfather, isn't it? I knew that last conversation was too good to be believed."

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Puck laughs.

"I really should have no notion, I'm afraid. Three, did you say?" He looks a walrus who has just discovered an assortment of impressionable oysters. "How delightful. I wonder if they should like to meet ours?"

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the_lioness

It's so unexpected that Alanna can't help smiling.

"Triplets," she beams. "And I imagine they would. They're older now, a year and a few months. I have a special interest in the twins, of course, as you went with my suggestions for their middle names."

Why not. This is all likely a delusion brought about by insanity, anyway.

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"The twins are over a year now," Puck says with a grin, and looks almost startled by his own statement. "My. How time does fly."

When you're raising mortals.

Another bright smile. "We are most grateful to you for the names. No doubt they shall wear them well. And in the meantime, if our children should become acquainted, I imagine they should all come out the richer for it. It never is too early to begin making friends."

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the_lioness

"Agreed. I'm all in favor of it."

The part of Alanna that still hasn't -- and probably won't, ever -- gotten over being a rock finally subdues the part going with the flow out of self-defense.

"I'm willing to overlook the rock incident, Puck," she says conversationally. "What with Lucifer's involvement and all. But you should know that turning people into bits of geologic matter without their consent is against the rules."

There. She did her job AND made a play date! Maybe now there can be margaritas. She's sorely in need of one.

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Puck sighs, looking rather sheepish and not a little contrite.

"I do apologize, mistress," he says. "I expect I rather lost my head." A hopeful smile. "I assure you I shan't repeat the offense."

A beat.

"In the meantime, I've had nothing to drink since I arrived. With your permission ...?"

It's strange to think that Lucifer, drinks, and difficult births would be things you'd have in common with the guy who turned you into a rock to date his wife, but ... well.

Milliways.

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"Also bratwurst and clowns and some other stuff," Lilly whispers to Tony.

She snags her margarita glass.

"Anyway, it's nice to meet you, Tony. Sorry my husband shanghai'd you. He... does stuff like that."

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"...joy."

Tony snickers.

"I should have figured there was something wrong when he insisted it had to be now. No offense, but I usually tend to plan my social calendar. Or, my assistant does."

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"Oh, of course," Lilly says, nodding sagely. "Proper maintenance of a social calendar is essential."

She takes a sip of margarita, perhaps to wash down the sarcasm.

"But actually, I'm guessing it had to be now because a) Alanna was a rock and b) Puck is a little limited in both the attention-span and patience areas."

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That gets Tony to laugh again.

"I'll never understand most of what goes on in this place," he admits. "And I'm usually picking up women, not the other way around."

A dry smile.

"He seemed eager to pawn you off."

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Lilly laughs.

"I think he feels bad that I don't have a boyfriend and he does. Which is sweet, if a little misguided, since I don't really do monogamy."

She pauses.

"Or he's trying to get me distracted so he can do something. Huh. I can't decide which option is more ominous, a steady boyfriend or skulduggery."

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He shakes his head.

"I've never had a steady girlfriend in my life. Sorry. The one woman that's close to me is enough."

~~Because of course Tony/Pepper = OTP. Srsly, people.~~

Beat.

"And my last one-night stand ended up being a bitch. Literally."

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"Oh, we're in the clear then," Lilly assures him.

"I started out that way."

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"What way?" Tony replies, unable to resist. "As a one night stand or permanently set to bitch?"

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"God, I don't know," Lilly says thoughtfully.

"It's a total chicken or the egg question, really. The only guarantee is that the cock came first."

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